This article I wrote was rejected from the person who commissioned it over a pricing dispute, however 2 days ago in London were the protests against gender-based violence in the wake of Sarah Everard’s Murder by a police officer. SO I have decided to share this piece here on my own website, since it is painfully relevant right now.

Victim Mentality

I watched a new Netflix series last week, the one about the Yorkshire Ripper. I remember hearing about this notorious serial killer when I was growing up, we had a ‘ripper’ in my local city of Ipswich too so it was something I wanted to know more about. Watching this docu-series over the last few days though, the thrill and intrigue of learning about a psychopath actually took the backseat as I spent the series getting more and more fired up about the constant fear that women have to live in, the society that sculpts so many men who are ready to hate or hurt women, and the way that women throughout the series were treated. 

If you haven’t watched it: spoilers ahead! I just wanted to point out some examples of the way this case was apparently handled that confused me, and made me angry. I wonder if other viewers will have thought the same as me whilst they watched. 

So firstly, the majority of the victims were labelled as prostitutes. Which isn’t a bad thing in itself I’m pro-legalising sex work, it was the fact that as the series went on, we learnt that there was actually no evidence these women were sex workers, it was a sexist judgement cast upon them based on things written in the police reports. E.g. she liked to drink, she dated multiple men, she walked around alone at night, etc. 

The police assumed that these women were prostitutes and that was what linked their murders – they labelled the ripper a ‘prostitute hater’ and focused the investigation on this false information – which only served to hold back their efforts. 

It baffled me that no one saw that these women were being killed because they were vulnerable and accessible, because they were out alone at night, had to rely on strangers for money, didn’t have a job that would notice them missing – generally that they were not being looked after by their community and that no one would ‘care’ if they disappeared. Over all the years that this criminal was terrorising the streets, there wasn’t any increase of protection to these vulnerable women. Even when police knew they were being targeted. 

So, what did police do? They placed a curfew on women.

Somehow women are always the ones being punished and controlled. Would it ever cross their minds that if a man is going out and murdering at night maybe men should be kept under curfew so that they couldn’t go out and cause harm. Women hadn’t done anything wrong, why were they being forced inside? 

When there was concern shown for the victim, even this was done in an utterly sex-shaming and misogynistic way. 

One day a woman was killed who was a middle-class school girl and upon her murder the country suddenly started to care. “Oh no! Now ‘important’ and ‘innocent’ people are dying! We better put a stop to this now!” Ugh. 

If you don’t believe me that this woman was treated differently to those before her watch the series – in the paper she was reported as ‘respectable’ and ‘innocent’. She was the only victim so far to be called innocent, and in an open letter addressed to the Ripper police actually said oh you’ve gone too far now, you’ve killed an innocent person, aren’t you feeling guilty now? (as in, now that you’ve accidentally killed a ‘respectable’ woman not a prostitute) It’s shocking, and it got me so fired up because I can still see the exact same thing happening now! It was just so sad because it didn’t surprise me like it should have and me and my sister spent the whole afternoon shouting about it in our flat.  

Speaking to my sister (more calmly a little later) we got onto the topic of how terrifying this must have been for local women – the threat of the Ripper, and the lack-lustre attitude of those meant to protect them. Through this conversation we stumbled upon the amount of fear that we actually feel now, and the lack of trust we still have in authorities to help us. We are always on high alert, always thinking of how the situation could escalate – it’s tiring and it impacts our behaviour in ways we don’t even know.

So, I wrote a list of the things that I do on a daily basis without even thinking about it. (trigger warning: talking about assaults & related fears here) I have experienced a few assaults so maybe I am more paranoid than some other people, but I am sure that every woman who reads this will relate to at least one point, and probably have a few more of their own to add.  Let’s start. 

-       if I am alone in the house, I check every window is closed before I shower or go to sleep. I don’t have the TV or music on too loud so if someone breaks in, I will hear it. 

-       I won’t go out alone if it’s dark, unless I really have to. I like to go to the gym early, and I like to run in the morning before work, but if it’s still dark and I can’t find someone to come with me then I don’t feel safe going. 

-       If I’ve been out with my headphones on, I pause my music whilst I walk home alone, if someone starts following me or running towards me, I want to be able to hear it. 

-       I like to go out and enjoy things on my own, I like taking myself to the cinema or a café if I can, but I don’t anymore. Every time I do someone will catcall me, approach me, or talk to me in an overly intense, forward way until I feel uncomfortable. Even if a man asked me to stop to talk or to help with something, I can never be sure it isn’t a trap.

-       I spend a lot of time thinking about what to do when an intruder breaks into my home. I think about how I will get to my sister to make sure she is ok, or how I can distract them and make sure she can escape. I think about how they could enter the house and how we could get out without crossing paths. I wonder if I would survive the jump from my bedroom window. I realise that my phone is downstairs so from my room I would have no way to call for help. I think about this most nights. 

-       When I hear footsteps behind me on a dark and quiet street, I begin to think about what I need to do if this is a person who is going to try and kill me. I think about how I need to try to record them onto my Instagram story, or at least drop my location to someone on WhatsApp as evidence of what happened. I think about the ways I can make sure he will be found if I do get murdered: get his blood on my clothes, pull out some of his hair and get it in my pockets, dig in my nails so that some of his skin cells get trapped beneath them… the list goes on. 

-       whenever I do anything out of routine – e.g., finish work late, make a run to a shop, decide to visit a friend after work I tell someone. And I insist that my friends do the same to me. 

-       If in in an uber I tell a friend, check how long the journey should be taking, even google map the route we should be taking so that I know if we go off course. 

-       whenever I leave the house alone, I consider everything I can to avoid danger. Will my clothes attract attention by being too ‘slutty’ or too ‘weird’, are my shoes comfortable enough that I will be able to run at full pace of someone starts chasing me, is my hair in a style that an attacker could easily grab hold of, am I in big jewellery that someone could grab too, is my coat too long and heavy that it could slow me down whilst running for my life or that it could get caught on something if I tried to escape an attack… is my skirt too easy to pull up, is my jacket thick enough to lessen the blow of a weapon, is my phone fully charged to call for help, do I have my ID on me so that my body can be identified? 

- I tried to download an app that could track me on journeys, and use voice activation to call a family member at the sound of my scream, to access the safety features I had to upgrade to he paid version, which obviously I can’t afford to do.

-       I mentioned I’ve been assaulted before. I have never tried to fight back for fear of how the situation could escalate. I have never reported an incident because a) it’s not likely that anyone would be punished b) I don’t need to relive trauma over and over again in front of a court c) I have heard enough about how police treat victims (e.g., asking ‘well what were you wearing?’ or ‘were you drunk at the time?’) and I do not think I could handle that. 

-       I am scared. All the time. 

I think that we don’t even realise how our fears stem from hundreds of years of violence against us.  I hear so many women say they fear these things, or do these defensive behaviours – even if they’ve never experienced any harm, they still behave in ways to avoid it. Then they (and other people) dismiss these fears as silly paranoia. 

Are you scared to close your eyes in the shower when shampoo runs into them, or scared to put your foot down too close to your bed in case there’s someone lurking underneath, or scared to turn the lights out at night? 

In a world where women are literally taught to be afraid, and where so many of us regularly experience threats or violence maybe these ‘silly fears’ when we’re home alone aren’t so silly. Maybe this is how we have to live - at constant alert, always risk assessing every move we make. There are moments we are very aware of the exact threat as we run home and listen for following footsteps with our ears pressed to the front door, but there are also moments it is harder to pinpoint where exactly we feel the fear from - just from the hundreds to tales of violence that are constantly all around us. 

 I said earlier that I personally haven’t reported things that have happened to me. But I think now if you can, you should. Things are starting to change; there are spaces now where we can speak up and be heard, organisations that can help us seek justice and places we can go to seek support and find our confidence. So, if this article resonated with you want you want to reach out to a community of others who feel the same or want to seek support here are some places you can go:

-       First off of course if you are in immediate danger call 999, and if you have an incident to report head onlineto do so, at the very least having a crime filed against someone is of great benefit to any future victims – and the best outcome is that they can be locked away!

-       If you are seeking mental health support surrounding any of the issues mentioned Mind.org has a large directory of specific helplines and charities you can contact based on your specific situation, they also have online resources like crisis coping tools and emergency advice, as well as a direct way to contact their team via phone (0300 123 3393) text (86463) or email (info@mind.org.uk) so you can do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

-       If you have experienced sexual harassment or assault the survivors trust enables you to search for a centre close to where you live where you can seek help and also have a free helpline at 08088 010818. 

-       Finally, if you want to help combat the fear women feel in public spaces head to www.ourstreetsnow.org. This is a new campaign to make public street harassment a crime (it’s insane that it isn’t already!), they list loads resources and support lines on their website, and also have a great community and Instagram page where you can speak out about your own experiences and read those of other women - which can be a really cathartic and supportive experience – and a good way to become a strong ally!